I've lost my eye.

Warning, long philosophical post alert, this past week I've noticed something very wrong with me, my thought process has become fractured and I can't focus as well on my game ideas as I was able to. I've come to two possible conclusions about why this is happening and neither is very good.

1. On Sunday I had an accident and I think I gave myself a small concussion. I was taking groceries in when my garage door closed slightly for some reason and I didn't see it. Anyway my head met the garage door and I was stunned. For a few hours I was tired and could have fallen asleep if not for the warnings about going into a coma. Since then every time I close my eyes all I see is nothing where vivid images once were. I'm heading to a doctor and hoping that nothing is permanently wrong. Tonight while I was at work I started thinking, and I realize that I haven't really been visualizing for a few weeks which leads me to possible reason 2. An update, I just got back from the doctor and my brain checks out as fine (well fine for me anyway).


2. This job is draining my mental energy and has killed my creative spark and I'm very pissed about it. Which is why I've come to a conclusion, if after all the tests are done and I'm still having trouble focusing then the second my bills have been taken care of I'm quitting my job regardless of if I have anything down the pipeline.


Now I know that this sounds crazy and stupid to a lot of people but there is a very specific method to my madness. For as long as I can remember I've been able to think and create using my visualizing ability. In 3 months this job has killed that ability and it is my one true talent that I can say that no one else can do at the same level as me. Being creative is one of the few things that drive me in this world and I'm already feeling my mind is breaking without it. I've spent a lot of time looking inward at who I am and have made numerous important decisions about my life. One of them is that I rather by happy and poor then rich and miserable and I were for the most part happy before I started working at this job. I have always been creative which is why I want to be a part of this industry and have been dreaming of that for over 12 years now. Losing my creativity is out of the question and no job is worth losing a very important part of my being. I believe we all have certain paths we take in life and for me I've made my choice and will walk my own path to the end and I will take my unique view on life with me.

The next few weeks are going to be very interesting for me, as I estimated that I should have enough money to pay off all my bills and have some in reserve in 2 months, after which there is a good chance that I'm going to become unemployed again. At this point I don't care what the reason is as to my aliment, I just want it fixed at any cost. Let's just hope that it doesn't require me chopping off an ear to do that, as that will hurt my Left 4 Dead matches.

Josh